You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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