does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm like, not good at living.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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