the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
