Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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