the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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