i just wanna soil my oats bro
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize