Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
