Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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