absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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