dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
