I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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