you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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