just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
