I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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