hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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