i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
