its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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