Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
