I have demons in me.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
