he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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