There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
