There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
