This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
