Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
