what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
