you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
