I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
