just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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