My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
