Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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