If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
