my mouth tastes like poor choices
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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