Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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