For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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