no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
3 2 1 whiskey
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
