sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Dick very happy bro
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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