Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
