I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
