They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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