My boss' voice literally gives me gas
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
