distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You dont lie about slip and slides
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
