Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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