So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
