I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
