Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
