We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
