the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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