DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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