Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize