I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
