My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
