I think I died a long time ago.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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