Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
