I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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