is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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