I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
