1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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