ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
