If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I didn't notice because vodka
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
