Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
