K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
they call him Oral-B. enough said
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
