Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
