just survived the first fart of the relationship.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
