I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
