Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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