I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
