He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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