absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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