bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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