Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
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