So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
