im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
She's just so happy...and so naked.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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