how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
