He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
